Everyone who remembers the last British monarch please raise your hand. No, I didn't raise mine either.
The majority of us never lived in a world where there was an English king. Never lived in a world where Elizabeth wasn't sovereign over the British empire.
We all know God Save the Queen is both the British national anthem and the British punk anthem recorded in the twenty fifth year of her reign. That was forty five years ago.
Queen Elizabeth II, repeat after me, was the longest reigning monarch in Great Britain's history. She wore the crown over seventy years and her longevity is attributed to a burning desire to stick it to her son. To that we can only say, hear hear, job well done!
Elizabeth finally escaped the crown's heavy burden last week for that mystical place royalty is bound to go on passing. I can only imagine it's not the main course at a worm banquet like the rest of us. No, she's probably dessert.
This is a reminder to my fellow countrymen and countrywomen that this country once rejected the whole monarchy thing. We rose up and sent the king's soldiers home. A government of the elected made more sense than one based on divine claims of who could pull a sword out of a rock.
A few of you seem to have forgotten our disdain for self-annointed rulers. We don't like anything that comes close. Every president since John Adams was lampooned for ruler's habits.
To her credit, even if she was monarch and head of the Church of England, Elizabeth never signed any Bibles.
I think we all know that the monarchy in the United Kingdom isn't what it once was. Elizabeth might have been filthy rich, but she certainly couldn't order the prime minister to the Tower of London for a trim anymore. In a country where ceremony is paramount, might as well keep the ceremonial head of state royal.
In a role that is 99% ceremonial, you could have done a lot worse than Elizabeth and she truly inspired many in her country. Her popularity grew as she aged and in the end even Johnny Rotten was smitten.
As long as she wasn't your mother or mother-in-law, it appears she was fairly harmless.
As its head, Elizabeth said the role of the Church of England was to make sure all the world's beliefs were welcome and respected, not just the Anglican. We aren't supposed to go for state sponsored religion in the United States, but you've got to appreciate that vision.
It's one we claim as our own.
After decades in line, Queen Elizabeth's oldest son Prince Charles will finally ascend the throne. She kept him waiting as long as she could. She never really liked his taste in women, but at least he has a successor which is his only real job.
So in honor to all my friends in the British Isles and the United Kingdom, long live King Horseface! And God Save the Queen...choose your own version.