Merry X-Musk! It's not too early to say that is it?
It's the holiday season for the elitest of the elite and he can't wait to open his present. Which in this case is the third country he's a citizen of. The good ole USA might just be third in his citizenship list, but it's first in the number of politicians owned.
I'm sure young Elon was one of those kids who insisted his rich parents hand over his Christmas Porsche early enough to drive to private school the last day before Christmas break. I bet he even left the bow on the hood.
You really can't expect a guy from South Africa to understand how a democratic republic works. He thinks since the guy he bought won the election, he gets to take possession now. And in this season of giving...well...he's ready to get.
So instead of a deal agreed upon among the current governing bodies to pass a budget and keep the government open, Elon wants the government of the United States shut down. Not for any particular reason.
It's just because what Elon loves more than anything is to flex. To let everyone know he has the money and he has the power and now, thanks to your vote, he owns you.
So what if the military and social security recipients don't get paid. Who cares if national parks are closed? Certainly not any of the businesses who make money from park visitors.
For those of you who think government should be run like a business, the last 3 shutdowns cost the American taxpayer 5 billion dollars and reduced gross domestic product the following quarters by 11 billion. In business that gets you fired.
It won't be that bad. The parts of the government that contract with Space-X, who was paid nearly 4 billion by us in 2024 and nearly 20 billion since 2008, will certainly remain open and writing checks.
Which is likely where this story begins. It is the Christmas season and Elon, just like us, loves a good Christmas movie. But Elon's favorite isn't Rudolph or Miracle on 34th Street or even A Christmas Story.
Elon's favorite Christmas movie is Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. It's real, google the worst movies of all time.
I bet he's been fixated on the little martian girl his whole life. Now that he owns the government, he's got all the money he needs to overcome the other minor difficulties to get to his beloved Girmar. That's her name.
Talk about a holiday miracle! It's the feel good story of the season, a poor misunderstood richest boy in the world gets what he needs to finally meet his soulmate.
The unlimited funding of the richest country on the planet ought to do it.
But you know, 'tis the season and why shouldn't the guy who has literally everything get a little more too? As a matter of fact, I'm praying the good lord will bless Elon with a couple of technological miracles in the new year and he's sitting on top of that rocket ship bound for his love on the red planet soon.
Until then, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Blessed X-Musk to all!