The reality TV president is an expert on fake news. Just ask David Pecker. And no, I did not make that name up.
Mr. Pecker is the CEO of American Media Inc., the publisher of journalistic stalwarts The National Enquirer and Star. And by journalistic stalwarts, I mean gossip mongering scandal rags.
The Donald and Pecker are close friends. Such close friends that you'll never read anything unflattering about the great Cheetoh in the National Enquirer. They might report Hillary's affair with Bigfoot, but you won't read the name Stormy Daniels in the 'Seen at Mar-A-Lago" section.
The Fraud in the Oval Office doesn't understand why the National Enquirer hasn't won a Pulitzer Prize. That's the highest prize an American newspaper can win. Mr. Trump's confusion comes from his misunderstanding of what a newspaper is.
What it isn't is the National Enquirer.
Cadet Bonespurs would give the Enquirer a Pulitzer for finding real news, paying someone a fat wad of cash to tell the story (while signing a non-disclosure agreement), and then not reporting the story.
That's something like the practice that led to Trump's personal attorney's office being raided last week by the FBI. For some reason, paying informants to keep quiet during a presidential campaign is not taken kindly by law enforcement.
The best thing we've learned from that raid is the mystery third client of Sleaze Cohen, Attorney at Law. Sean Hannity, come on down!
We're sure it's only a coincidence that Trump's personal attorney represents Hannity, a pretend journalist who's more likely to win an Oscar than a Pulitzer. We're also sure such a beacon of lies and innuendo has nothing to hide. Just because Cohen's duties for his other two clients is primarily to pay victims hush money doesn't mean Hannity is hiding anything.
Hannity is the current shining light on Faux News, American's most popular source of misinformation and innuendo. Actual scientists have proven people who get their news from Fox are more likely to believe in Santa Claus than Bernie Sanders.
But no one believes scientists anymore.
So, clearly, with media partners like the National Enquirer, Fox News and his Twitter account, the Donald is a true expert on Fake News. Unfortunately for the reality TV star, actual reality is harder to control.
Take his reality TV show. Each episode ended with another contestant getting fired and disappearing from the series. It was one of the few things even Trump couldn't mess up. When he pointed a short fat finger at someone and declared "You're fired!', they were gone.
Unfortunately for the Trump, people who get fired in real life don't stop existing. It's the same as those people who don't survive Survivor. They're still out there, whether we believe it or not.
When Cadet B.S. fired James Comey, he didn't disappear. He might have been off the show, but the real world has no script. And I'm not talking about that other reality TV show.
Like all good former public servants, Comey has a story to tell. That may be an understatement for a guy who cost a Democrat the White House and wants to evict the current occupant, too.
Lucky for Trump, nobody reads books anymore. Right?