Spring has sprung. Sproing!
In our world turned upside down, a little snow comes right along with the daffodils and peepers. Don't fret, it'll be gone in a minute.
The sounds of spring may seem a little off this year. The sproing you heard this week was a combination of several tightly packed springs jumping their casing and several loose springs thumping their frame.
One of the tightly packed varieties went off this week in Frankfort. Governor Granite, champion of the detention set, called out the teachers of Kentucky for being selfish becuase they insist on retiring under the contract they were hired under not the one he just scrawled on the back of a Papa John's napkin.
The state's highest ranking carpetbagger backed off his rhetoric a bit when some of his own party, the older dinosaurs who remember when education and upholding contracts were conservative values, called him out. It's quaint that a few old Republicans still respect the teaching profession.
But Matt Bevin is a modern conservative which means the same as being an old snake in the grass. If all these know nothing teachers and administrators and liberals would just shut up a while, the top secret hedge fund he's put their pensions into will start paying off big time.
Now I'm talking commissions and broker fees, not actual gains in value. This is a hedge fund we're talking about and there's really not anyone this side of Bernie Madhoff who knows how they work.
Maybe that's why the governor is suing to keep a report that evaluates his pension "growth" plans top secret. Hedge fund investing is deep stuff and no one wants to confuse all those know-nothing educators.
The bottom line is the governor's tanking the pension bottom line on purpose to close public schools and install charter schools he and his buddies can profit from. It's as clear as a bell, unless the bell was manufactured in Bevin's Bell factory.
That's right. Sproing!
Speaking of loose springs, the Fraud in Chief started his week by congratulating Putin for rigging and winning another election. He also congratulated Kim Jong Un for having a pretty sister, Phillipines President Duterte for his "embrace a dealer" drug abuse program, and Harvey Weinstein for a lifetime of empowering women.
The Donald might be confused between empowering and overpowering, but it's the thought that counts. Like the thought you put into firing someone two days before their retirement and eligible for government pension.
That's the thought process of real leaders. The kind who aren't afraid of the cacaphony of springs jolting around inside their wobbly frames. The Cheetoh wanted to fire somebody, luckily Andrew McCabe was in sight. Sproing!
That other weird noise of the week is the sound of realization. Reports about Cambridge Analytica and Facebook reveal a level of voter manipulation few want to acknowledge. Especially not Steve Bannon who ran the company and drove the research that helped Russian trolls divide our country.
The sound you should be hearing as spring bounces toward summer is one of millions of people springing right out of Facebook. That'd be the sproing heard 'round the world.