Meat rolled in hot Tuesday morning. It sounded like someone was ripping the door from the hinges.
"You planning on replacing a few doors today? You can start with mine."
Meat glared, sweat glistening on his forehead. "Yeah well I might have to," he grunted.
"You're pretty fired up before 9 in the morning, what's up?"
"I watched Trump's speech to the Boy Scouts."
Let's hit pause here for some backstory. Meat and I were Boy Scouts in Elkhorn a few decades ago. Our troop wasn't exactly the model, but our Capture the Flag skills were feared far and wide. Meat took to it like a fish to swimming.
He was a couple badges short of Life Scout when our scout master, the local doctor, left for greener pastures. The troop folded.
Meat still lives by scout law. At least he tries on most of them.
He was not happy when Obama missed the last Jamboree, addressing the troops by video. He said it was an insult
Now this.
"What kind of buffoon gets in front of a national gathering of Boy Scouts and disses a former president, a former first-lady, his own Health and Human Services Secretary, and every kid's mother in attendance?"
I knew what was coming, because of course I'd seen the Liar in Chief's latest performance piece. Soon Meat could be rolling.
"That clown is the opposite of every Scout Law. A Boy Scout is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Reverent." The vein above Meat's left eye was throbbing.
I jumped in. "I don't know. I heard he was a clean freak, so maybe he's got that one."
Meat's mood shifted. His forehead relaxed. "Ohoh! Old Lefty Ruth taking up for the Donald. That's a funny one. Well I don't know, either. I've heard stuff."
Right on cue Tater knocked on the door Meat almost replaced and walked in. She looked at Meat a second, then at me.
"Looks like you got his blood pressure down a pinch. His veins were sticking out on both sides...my sweet boy scout!" She gave Meat a pinch on the cheek. He didn't flinch.
"SJ was a scout too. We even made him patrol leader once, remember that SJ?"
Vividly. It was in the old city hall building. One minute all the other scouts were congratulating me, the next the whole troop was on top of me.
They blindfolded and gagged me, then hog tied me with my arms behind my back. They then carried me down to the river bank and threw me in a big pile of sand, which I was certain was going to be a lot wetter.
They left me there for a while to bask in my achievement.
"Yeah, I remember." I smiled at Meat. He smiled back.
"Those were the days. Nothing but good examples around us. We were innocent as we could be and loving life."
That we were. Those days are over. I hope one day the Scouts at this year's jamboree look back with relish at the time they were given such a clear lesson with such a bad example.