It's been a rough week for the temporary resident and his help at the White House. For them, I have two words: fidget spinners.
When I was a kid, my dad got me a set of fidget spinners to deal with my hyperactivity. Only they were called a lawn mower and hedge trimmers in those days. Weed eaters hadn't been invented yet.
It's pretty surprising White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus hasn't gotten the liar in chief a fidget spinner to battle his Twitter jones. I guess he figures the learning curve is longer than the great Cheetoh's likely Oval Office stay.
By the time you read this, no telling what will come out. The bombshells out of DC are falling faster than I can write a paragraph. For all I know, Vladimir Putin may come to the rescue.
Wait, that's already happening. Vlad the Impaler has generously offered to share his secret recordings from the Oval Office to prove the Donald didn't really share confidential information with his Russian visitors last week.
It's a good thing Trump only allowed Russian news media into the meeting. No telling what the evil American media would have made up. We should thank Pravda for keeping it real.
And remember what those torch bearing guys in Charlottsville said last week. Russia is our friend. It must be true, Trump said so. Right?
Of course, the Trumpets are sticking by their special savior. It doesn't matter that he lied about coal jobs. Who would have known the pretend president of the U.S. couldn't force the power companies and the TVA to re-open or build new coal fired plants?
The Trumpets want a dictator, just as long as the dictator isn't a black guy or a Democrat. It appears many of them are gobsmacked that the president can't just over-rule the courts, the congress, or the Chinese.
There are a few Republicans looking sideways at the First Fraud. That lefty pinko John McCain, surely a RINO, has even used the I word. Im-Peach-Mint will make a great Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor.
At least there's one Republican who can still be depended on to choose party and money over country. Our own Yertle McConnell is standing by the Head Apprentice like the true patriot he isn't. The Senator has too much to lose to actually sit by and let his wife's secondary employer get booted.
Yertle hates drama, although he loves comedy. That would be the Greek version, not the Hollywood version.
So I'm calling for a whole trainload of fidget spinners be delivered to many of our Republican friends in DC. They need them to get their minds off their problems, like how unelectable they'll be the next time there's an election. No wonder they're working so hard to take voters out of the democratic process.
After all, there's a democrat in the phrase democratic process.
Let's hurry with that though. Any minute now some kid is going to put an eye out with one of those spinner things and then they'll go the way of the Clacker. If we put them all in a hall with clackers, the issues might be resolved soon enough.