Being of limited attention span and dull heritage, I have a hard time figuring out all this budget deficit government shutdown business. The more I study it, the more it looks like just another game of "Did too Did not" between the Democrats and Republicans (whose joint motto is "Damn the Country! Full Speed Ahead!").
Luckily, I have an acquaintance who can help me understand this whole mess--Dr. Mac Ro, Economist. I called him at his office in Washington.
I got this message: "We're sorry, the Offices of Economic Theoretics and Theatrics are closed due to budget constraints. Leave your name and number and the IRS will audit you shortly."
Figuring the IRS already had my number, I tried him at home.
"Hello?"
"Dr. Mac, this is SJ. Happy new year!"
"Maybe for you, SJ."
"Oh...sorry about the shutdown. That's why I'm calling, I'm really having a hard time understanding this whole issue."
"What's to understand?"
"All of it. Is the deficit really that terrible? Do we really need a balanced budget? If the government is shut down, why won't Newt go home?
"Well, SJ, we don't have enough time to go into the nuts and bolts of it all. Let me put it this way, the deficit is only bad because it's so big and we should have a balanced budget and we'd all like Newt to go home."
"Where'd all this deficit come from?"
"Twelve years of Reaganomics."
"I thought he was for a balanced budget?"
"I thought there was a Santa Claus at one time."
"Wait, what about all this Medicare and Welfare? Isn't that the problem?
"Only if you're talking Pentagon Medicare and Corporate Welfare."
"But isn't medicare and welfare wasteful? Don't we have to do something about government waste?"
"You tell me, what's more wasteful--Giving 1,000,000 people a dollar to buy a loaf of bread, or spending $1,000,000 for a missile that will sit in a warehouse for the next twenty years?"
"I never thought of it that way. But these guys must be serious about this, I don't have to remind you they've shut down part of the government."
"Are you kidding? If they were serious about deficits and budgets, defense would be under the knife, as would their salaries. And as far as my job goes, it's nice to have, but it sure ain't necessary. Kind of like that second VCR on the basement TV."
"Okay, but how'd they come up with seven years, isn't that plenty of time."
"My guess it has some correlation either to the number of deadly sins or the number of teeth in Jesse Helms' head, but I'm not sure which. As far as plenty of time, it took over twenty years to build, so I don't think so."
"But don't we have to grit our teeth and get it done?"
"Okay, but while we're at it, let's also force every business, family and individual to get completely out of debt in the same amount of time."
"I can't pay off my house that fast."
"Then I guess you'll have to lose it."
"That doesn't make sense."
"Good point."
"This is all pretty shaky. Are you telling me there's not really a big problem or not?
"Oh, there's definitely a big problem."
"Then shouldn't we sacrifice to take care of it?"
"To the best of my knowledge, the kind of sacrifices we need are illegal in this country."
"So if the debt and the deficit, or even your job, aren't that important, what's going on in Washington?"
"Remember that game we used to play as kids?"
"What game?"
"You know, 'did too did not'?"