Don't get me wrong on this. I'm not saying we would definitely have won if someone hadn't inserted himself into the World Cup red card controversy.
But it is what it is. You'd think all these sign watching people would have caught the billboards by now. All he touches turns to manure. Once that call was made to the FIFA president, Team USA's future was cursed.
Remember how badly the Knicks played that one game at home in the Finals? Donald takes Madison Square.
Anyhow, we might not have beaten Belgium if FIFA hadn't flopped. That team was pretty good. But we wouldn't have played like we were running in muck boots, either. You wear those to clean barns. Feel the connection?
In good news, it only took Joey Chestnut 66 hot dogs to win the only sporting event that matters on our 250th Independence Day. He devoured his eighteenth Mustard Belt at Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island.
It's hard to think of an athlete that compares. Jack Nicklaus won 18 majors. Bill Russell had about that many combined basketball championships. Babe Ruth hit a bunch of home runs between hot dogs 20 or so miles north of Coney.
Joey Chestnut stands alone.
Which shouldn't be confused with Maine's former Democratic Senate candidate. Suddenly he was standing alone for very different reasons and rightly so. Now the state party will have to throw an emergency convention to select a replacement in time to appear on the November ballot.
It's not an election season if the Ds don't find at least one way to shoot themselves in the foot. Maine was more than in play before this fiasco. Now who knows? I heard Senator Collins is avoiding Don's calls.
Speaking of calls, I got my twenty minutes. Not with Yertle, the one time king of the swamp, but with one of the turtles he was balanced on before the big fall. He was about half way up on the turtle pole but most of the guys above his head didn't survive the tumble. The Trump tumble.
According to McConnell's longtime assistant vice-liaison for large campaign contributions, our dear Yertle is still working diligently daily from his hospital to ensure the entire constitution is undermined before his last bubble breaks through the swampy surface. I was surprised to hear him come right out and say it that way and told him.
Why hide it now? You've all seen Star Wars. The striking resemblance between Emperor Palpatine and Senator McConnell is no coincidence dummy. It's biology. Except Palpatine didn't simply convince the clueless money equals speech nor steal a supreme court nomination from a sitting president. Mitch was alone in his time. A timeless champion for the dark side.
That was the message I got from the assistant vice-liaison. He seemed pretty happy about it. When I asked what was next for him, he said he already had a spot lined up as vice-liaison in Andy Barr's office and if he got bumped to Senior Vice-Liason, he'd be able to get an apartment only two hours from K-Street.