Been too hot for much front porch sitting on the knob lately. Thankfully, Meat upgraded his AC when Tater moved in.
It's a good thing, too. Those two are just a couple bubbles from boiling these days.
"Cold beer?" is the first thing Meat said thrusting a can in my face when I walked in the door. I scanned him but luckily his head didn't explode before he rescinded.
"Oh. Sorry man, old habits." He tossed the can to Tater. I sat down on the couch. "Gimme a bourbon and water tenderbar, hold the bourbon."
He was back in a heartbeat with a cold water. It was clear he was fired up about something.
Tater called attention to the obvious. "Thanks for coming over SJ, he's been on a rant all morning."
Meat let out a laugh. "Like you've not been on one today, too." He looked back over at me. "You'll hear, SJ, don't worry."
Yeah, it'll be worth the air conditioner time.
"You know, I'll admit I went through my short militia phase years ago long before Tater came into my life."
"The infamous bicycle episode, I remember it well."
"Don't interrupt me. Anyway, some clown in Texas moved his wife and daughters to Russia and joined the Russian army to shorten his wait for Russian citizenship. Now he's fighting for Russia in Ukraine. The kicker is he did it because he thinks Godless Communists hold the traditional Christian values some preacher told him America was too woke for. You know I've heard some crazy conspiracy stuff in my time, but nobody ever said we should go exercise our religious rights in Russia."
I'm skeptical. "Man is that real?" Tater interjects, "It is, I Snoped it." She turns to Meat. "Do I know about the bicycle episode?" I respond. "It's in the archives."
Meat barrels forward. "But just think about it. How twisted do you have to be to abandon your own country and move your family to Russia because you think their values are more aligned with whatever warped dogma some preacher has fed you."
"But Meat, you got more preacher's out there telling people Cadet Bonespurs was sent by God, you can't get dogma more warped than that." I had a point.
"That's exactly what I said." Tater this time. She opened the can meant for me and took a drink. "There have been preachers preaching crazy in this country since they killed witches in Salem. If you believed certain preachers through our history, God was for wiping out natives, enslaving Africans, and making women property. These days looks like God's for throwing anybody that isn't white into cages until they're able to prove they belong. Picking our vegetables and cleaning our toilets don't count."
"ICE ain't kidnapping any illegal Russians, I'll tell you that." Meat, as if he'd made the point that proved the point of his rant. We ignored him.
"Tater, you're not saying we'd be better off if fewer Americans believed in God are you?"
"Oh no, really the opposite. I think more of us should believe in God, fewer of us should believe in religion. Live by the red letters and remember, Jesus was not a Christian."