It's that time of year. Large rodents trying to predict the weather and larger ones trying to make laws.
I've always thought the day after Groundhog Day should have its own name like Burgoo Eve or Roadkill Revelry. Anything that signifies the fact large rodents are much better soupstock than they are meteorologists.
Just think how good a hot bowl of whatever you got in the freezer stew is on the kind of days we've had lately. Forget what happened in Pennsylvania, not one local rodent saw his, her, or their shadow Thursday morning. It's winter and the smart ones stayed in their holes where they belong.
The others may just be stew this weekend.
I know what a few of you might be thinking. SJ, at least a groundhog has a 50 percent chance of being right. It will either see its shadow or it won't. Winter will either last six more weeks or there will be an early spring. There's no nuance here. Nobody's asking for average temperature or snowfall totals or number of sunny days to come.
It's just a coin flip.
Furthermore, you're thinking the odds of groundhog stew being edible, on the other hand, are rarely better than 20%. Who knows how to do it? So technically a groundhog really is a better meteorologist than a soupstock.
To that I'll say you do have a point, albeit a limited one. Not many could figure out how to make a groundhog burgoo you'd want seconds on. It takes patience, the right ingredients and an actual stove. This is not a job for a microwave or air fryer.
It's not a job for just anybody. It takes real experience.
The right chef can turn a groundhog into a delicacy with onions, carrots and a tomato every single time. The right person can make you wonder why groundhog isn't the main course at fine restaurants everywhere.
There's not a thing anybody can do to turn a groundhog into a weatherman.
If you're still hung up on the weather thing, I'd suggest you take a look at a calendar. According to mine, the first day of spring is officially March 20. If you can somehow calculate how many weeks till then, you'll know how long it is till spring.
Just remember know matter what, there'll be snow in April. You don't need a large rodent to predict that.
Unfortunately, we'll have to put up with the larger rodents mentioned in that first paragraph for two years instead of six weeks. They might dress much better than the smaller rodents, they're even more useless.
There's nothing anybody can do to turn a large rat into a representative of the people. But here we are holding them up like their declarations are foolproof. At best they're foolproud. Ridiculous and happy in it.
Don't get confused. Nobody's wanting to eat them. Nothing you can do to make those rodents palatable. Washington DC rodents are all bile and grizzle. And if you think squirrel brains are a rare treat, try finding some DC rodent brains. Rare as grampus eggs.
Not sure what to do with them. It's DC, maybe D-CON?