It's the last column before election day and I know many of you have been waiting with baited breath for the official Paddling Upstream candidate endorsements. Your wait is almost over, so try some Listerine and relax.
It's not like there's a big mystery about who I'd prefer for U.S. Senator, Vice-President or even state Supreme Court justice. Is there? Do I really need to go over the names of the people I voted for when I cast my ballot on my birthday.
If I were the type to pull a straight ticket, surely you would be able to tell by now which ticket that would be. Have some of you not picked up that Yertle or Commander Bonespurs are something other than terms of endearment?
Before we go on with that line, let me assure you I've never pulled the straight ticket lever. My conscience won't let me do that because, at my core, I'm anti-party. George Washington was against political parties and that's good enough for me.
I think if he could have seen the influence parties would have in our day to day lives, he'd have made himself king and poisoned Adams and Jefferson who set us on the party system by non-stop bickering behind his back.
The Father of our country didn't believe in partisan politics and really neither should you.
If you follow the history of our two dominant parties, you'll learn neither have been consistent in their platforms. Both have changed directions and contradicted its past, both have broken every rule made by man and a few made by god to maintain power.
Once upon a time, the Republican party was the progressive voice in America. The Democratic party was the voice of conservatism and separation. Those who vote the party because their grandparents did are likely voting polar opposite positions.
It's not like you have a real basis to vote the party your ancestors did. It's likely they'd burn down your house for the positions their old party is taking today.
I'm sure the only people out there who don't know which candidates I'd endorse by now are the ones who've never seen this column before. Let's be honest, they quit reading after the second paragraph.
You, however, have read this mumbo jumbo before. While you may not have figured out who I like, you definitely know who I don't. That should be enough for you to be able to make an informed decision and get your vote on.
The truth is, I'm not endorsing anyone in this column. I'm not allowed.
But let me just say there's a candidate who cares so much about the voter he avoids rallies and crowds and maintains social distance recommendations in all he does. There is another candidate who busses his followers into remote locations in freezing cold and has them stand in the elements waiting for hours, in huddled crowds, to populate his latest fib-filled photo op. Then he doesn't pay the bus drivers to go back and pick them up because once they served his purpose they're on their own.
You can't find a better illustration of what two different candidates really think of their fellow Americans. I voted for the one who cares.