Trump's new favorite medical advisor says uterine cysts are caused by having sex with dream demons. I wish I'd made that up.
I've probably written this before, but the Trump era has taken all the fun out of writing satire and irony based op-eds.
In the good old BC (before Cheetoh) days, if I'd led with that opening line you might have thought "that SJ, still crazy as a loon". I may still be crazy, but you're just going to breeze right by that sentence because it's true and isn't any crazier than yesterday's headline, "Trump Invites Himself to Yankee Stadium to Throw Out First Pitch" or the one the day before "Trump Uses Oval Office to Hawk Refried Beans."
You can't make this stuff up because these days it's real before you've got time to. A medical "expert" pushing a drug proven to have no effect on Covid-19 who thinks most of Washington politicians are lizard aliens and reproductive issues are caused by demon sex is just another day in Trumpland. It could only be better if she sidelined as a preacher.
Oops, she does that, too. Of course!
Trump is so upset that Dr. Faucci is more popular than him that he's found another person who may or may not have a medical degree to act as his go-to expert. Dr. Stella Immanuel got her medical training in Nigeria and runs a clinic in Houston. If her treatments don't work for her patients, they can just hop next door in the strip mall to her Fire Power Ministries storefront and, we can only assume, burn away the illness.
When Facebook and other platforms pulled her video proclaiming her ability to cure Covid-19, she did what any self-respecting scientist would: Call upon Jesus to destroy Facebook's servers.
Beside the fact many have prayed for Facebook's servers to be stricken down, that isn't the response most of us want from a medical advisor. No, what we want from our medical experts is to be terrible at throwing a first pitch. Dr. Fauci proved himself and Commander Bonespurs just couldn't take it.
All he could do, besides buying into Immanuel's liberal scientists and alien DNA theory, was pretend he'd too been invited to throw out the first pitch at a Yankees game in three weeks. Then he pretended he actually had presidential stuff to do and wouldn't be able to make it.
Clearly the crack in the story is he had presidential things to do which was kind of a red flag unless he meant play golf with Brett Favre and Kanye. But, on the bright side, this resulted in the most honest and self-aware statement the oval office fraud has made to date: "Nobody likes me."
We know that's really not true, there are 30% of Americans who still believe he built the Empire State Building and walks on swamp water. But if you're looking for a reason the rest don't like him it might be because by the time you read this over 4.5 million Americans will have had the Coronavirus and over 150,000 have died from it.
But outside that, I can't think of a single reason. And I did make that up!