I dropped in on the neighbors yesterday. By dropped in I mean I called first, warned them I was on the way, put on my bandana mask and gloves, walked over with a disinfectant sheet and wiped down a porchchair, then dropped into it waiting for one of them to come to the door.
Tater stuck her head out. "Just a minute, Meat's not cooperating."
She disappeared back into the house. I could hear Meat being loud and Tater trying to calm him down in a lower voice. The truth is Meat's been in a really bad mood since he went to Wendy's a couple days ago and found out he couldn't get a Triple.
Tater came back out the front door wearing her own real N95 surgical mask. She sat herself in the swing on the other end of the porch. I stayed quiet waiting for Meat and watching the door.
"Oh he's not coming out."
"He's taking not being able to get a Triple pretty hard, isn't he?"
Tater laughed. "What a crybaby! I was with him and when they wouldn't sell him a triple, I asked if they were still making doubles. When she said yes, I ordered two, then pulled one beef patty off mine and gave it to him."
"Seems like that would shut him up."
"Seems like, but no. He said it wasn't the same. Who the heck needs a triple anything is what I want to know...but that isn't why he's staying in. He woke up sneezing this morning and I don't think a cloth mask is going to hold that explosion. I'm making him stay in."
I thanked her for taking such good care of her neighbors. It was actually good to spend a few minutes with Tater and no Meat. To be honest, Meat's not weathering the distancing guidelines that go with a pandemic very well.
"I'm not sure what I'm going to do with him. You know he doesn't like being told what to do, especially by a good looking young governor."
"Would an ugly old one make a difference?"
"Probably not. When the poor girl said no to his triple, it was like a switch went off in his head. I'm worried all this change is making him revert to his old self."
You might not remember, but the old Meat was a conspiracy loving, tin foil hat wearing, armed-to-the teeth, government paranoid MAGA hatted mulehead before meeting Tater. Then love turned him around and made him a decent human.
"Seeing those knotheads gathering at capitals isn't helping. I keep reminding him those are paid protesters, not grassroots patriots. It's all astroturf being laid by billionaires who dont' care how many of them are dead tomorrow."
"Is he hearing you?"
"He says he does. But if he goes through another round of gun cleaning, I might have to do something desperate."
"What? Take his guns?"
"O lord no. I'd never do that. I'm just going to take one...and shoot out all the TVs in the house."
"So he can't watch the news?"
"That too. Mainly so he can't see another Wendy's commercial. Those things should come with a trigger warning!"