Today we're going to grab the wheel of headlines and spin. Round and round and round it goes, where it stops nobody knows!
You should be hearing the rattle of the pointer on the spokes right now. It sounds a lot like the chattering teeth of cable knotheads.
First headline up, Lock Your Doors the Immigrants and Refugees are Coming! According to the Governor Granite campaign, what Kentucky needs more than anything is a border wall 1286 miles away. That's how far it is to Eagle Pass, Texas, the closest point on the Mexico border from the Governor's mansion.
The one in Frankfort.
If that wall isn't built they'll be here hijacking your career waiting tables at El Azul. The governor wants you to be afraid, very afraid. The only things worse than marauding Mexicans are teachers and non-profits that provide reproductive health care to women.
Time for another spin. Next up To Be Impeached or Not To Be Impeached! The Oval Office Fraud and his long running soap opera of law breaking and justice obstruction, will stick to the script and pretend like impeachment hearings aren't happening at all.
And why should he? Senator Yertle's Republican Senate would never convict him because the party is far more important than the constitution.
At last tally, the Cheetoh has enlisted the help of Russia, Ukraine, and China in his campaigns for office. He's so happy about Putin's help, he's dissolved a half dozen arms treaties so Russia can have better bombs. He's such a sharp dealmaker, he's got the Ukrainian president believing they'll be protected from those Russian bombs.
It's uncertain exactly what he's promising the Chinese. He wants to make sure all those trademarks Ivanka's collected the last couple years stay in place. He was going to give them the Houston Rockets, but looks like that deal is off the table.
Let's go back to the headline wheel. What's next? Of course it's But Biden Did It. In a move surprising no one, the White House is shouting but what about him!
You always know what Republicans are guilty of by what they're accusing everyone else of. It was the way of Dick Nixon and it's been the way of every succeeding Republican in office.
Is it shady that Joes' son was on some board of a Ukrainian company at that time. It sure is, the elected class has way too many priviliges.
But the two situations are a false equivalency in every aspect. Joe never suggested Ukraine or Russia or China get involved in our elections. Donald did. He's proud that he did.
There's room for one more spin. Careful though, looks like the headline wheel is getting wobbly. No wonder, look at the mileage it's gotten the last couple years!
Last one, Kurds Can't Come. The Kurds can't do much to help in the next election, so Commander Bonespurs has left them to keep an eye on northern Syria on their own. When someone mentioned Turkey might decide to attack them, the Commander shrugged and threatened to raise their rent.
The Kurds wouldn't be in this predicament if they'd just built him a tower instead of beating ISIS.