Yertle the Senate Majority Turtle is having a bad week. Those mean old newspaper reporters hurt his feelings.
It appears several actual news types, not to be mistaken with the ones talking on a screen near you, have taken to calling him Moscow Mitch for his refusal to address Russia's tampering in our elections. It's like they actually think American people should decide who's in office.
He doesn't understand how they don't understand he's simply working overtime for his country. By staying out of Russia's way, he's protecting America from the greatest threat a country has ever faced:
Democrats.
Surely the Russians can't be all that bad if they want Republicans in office instead of Democrats. He pretty much said exactly that before the 2016 election when then-president Obama asked him to stand in unity against Russian meddling.
Remember that's after he convinced every elected official in his party to oppose everything that particular democratically elected president proposed. In true Kentucky style, Yertle declared if Barack is fer it, I'm agin' it.
Party before country has always been Yertle's mantra and you'll not find one single instance where he's broken it.
So when Barack said health-care for all, Yertle said get cancer cretins.
When Barack said higher pay for the least among us, Yertle said tax cuts for billionaires.
When Barack said democracy in the world, Yertle said let's see what China and Russia are doing.
When Obama stared Putin down, Moscow Mitch said take to Facebook comrade!
The thing you have to remember about Yertle the Senate Majority Turtle is he makes a lot of money picking party over country. Like the rest of the elected Republicans, he worships that money. Taking kickbacks and payoffs is simply practicing their religious beliefs.
We have religious freedom in the U.S., right?
Money is speech and he serves the people who can yell real loud. If those poor and working class people wanted him to hear what they have to say, maybe they should stop whispering.
So those Democrats who somehow got elected and have the majority of the House of Representatives can whine about Russian interference and threaten impeachment of Cadet Bonespurs all they want. As long as the Turtle is majority leader in the Senate, what's best for America comes second.
Of course, facts aside, we all know the real reason Yertle is upset over the Moscow Mitch accusations. He's just trying to keep the peace at home. While few can figure it out, he IS married and his wife is none too pleased about these Russian whispers.
Elaine Chao is no Tammy Wynette and she's not going to stand by her man if he's cheating with Vladimir. She expects him to honor to his vows to her, her family, and her family's money. Especially her family's money.
Because the truth is Yertle the Senate Majority Turtle had a different nickname long before Moscow Mitch came about. The Manchurian Candidate was pocketing Chinese Yuan when Putin was still trying to sign on to America On-Line.
There's a Made in China tattoo on Yertle's backside and his wife put it there.