Good morning fellow turkeys. Hope you aren't getting stuffed today.
That was the heading of an email I got this week from something called the North American Free Turkey Association. I didn't know I was a member, but I got their mail so I must be.
Maybe Meat signed me up. I'd ask him, but he's gone to Vermont with Tater for a traditional New England Thanksgiving. He said they'd be wearing big hats with buckles on them. Or maybe he said shoes with buckles on them. Whatever it was those traditional pilgrims wore so long ago, they'd be wearing it and there'd be buckles.
Anyway, the North American Free Turkey Association seems to be a group trying to make the turkey the official bird of the United States. They claim to be following Ben Franklin, who once suggested the turkey be our national symbol.
But Ben Franklin was nothing if he wasn't America's first great comedian. Half the stuff the guy wrote down were jokes that went over some people's head. He learned early that short, fat, bald, spectacle wearing guys had a better chance with the ladies if they could make them laugh.
And what could be funnier than a fat, bald headed, nearly blind, flightless bird as a national symbol. Monarchies symbolized themselves with the phoenix and eagles and dragons. The only thing most Americans agreed on at that time was monarchies were bad, so let's make fun of their symbols.
The turkey was just a punch line.
But like a lot of modern day Americans, the NAFTA is a bunch who just didn't get the joke. They're an ernest group, like many modern cause-driven organizations, and serious about their work.
Their work is to elevate the noble turkey into the rarified air the bald eagle inhabits. They've determined the best way to do that is with drones. Modern technology has finally caught up with Ben Franklin's vision, according to their website.
So the North American Free Turkey Association is planning a very special halftime event at this year's Wild Turkey Punch Bowl. First, four bald eagles will be released from the field as a symbolic reminder that bald eagles are really impressive.
Then four turkeys will be flown by drones up to meet them. Once all eight great birds are at the same elevation, the drones will release the turkeys and all eight will soar majestically back to the field while the marching band plays a medley of songs including 'America the Beautiful', 'Fly Like an Eagle' and 'I Like Big Butts'.
At least that's how it's drawn up on paper. Unfortunately, the steering committee of the NAFTA is a humorless group who has never seen WKRP in Cincinnati.
I bet you know how the event will turn out. And that's what I'm truly thankful for this Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for people who laugh, for readers who get the joke. You've got to have a sense of humor in today's America and humor is one of the most American things we've got.
This Thanksgiving, be like Franklin and not like the North American Free Turkey Association. Give thanks with a smile!