Let me be the first to wish you a beneficial boxing day. No, that isn't what we call throwing your unwanted gifts in a container and taking them back to Walmart.
We call that unwanted gift grift.
Boxing Day is an old English tradition on the day after Christmas. Given most hillbilly's Scotch-Irish heritage, it's not hard to figure out why it didn't catch on around here. It might have had a better chance if it involved settling neighborly disagreements.
But it didn't. Since servants of the British aristocracy had to serve on Christmas day, they were given the next day off since the household was usually too hungover to get out of bed. To show further appreciation, the aristocrats took stuff they didn't want, boxed it up, and passed it out to the servants.
Which might be another form of the unwanted gift grift.
Anyway, in exotic places where they speak foreign languages like England, many save their gift exchanges for Boxing Day. I really only mention it because, one it's today. And two, the upper class has a lot of stuff they don't want and they're bringing Boxing Day to America. It's one of the things we've got to look forward to in the new year.
Remember that calendar thing from last week? I'm ready this week. Just think of all the things we have to look forward to next year. Here's a few off the top of my head.
According to hillbilly wannabe J.D. Vance (name changed so his family doesn't have to), I don't have to apologize for being white in 2026. I should note that this will make 68 straight years I haven't been asked for an apology so I'm not sure what changed.
To compensate for a monarch free 250 years, every single building, property and monument of the United States government will be given the royal treatment with a gold embossed Donald J. Trump. So soon we will have the Donald J. Trump Washington Monument, The Donald J. Trump Grand Canyon, and the Donald J. Trump Virgin Islands further proof against Epstein.
America will soon have a whole new navy. Dubbed the Golden Fleet (not to be confused with the Golden Fleece, our current age), this new navy will be the biggest most beautiful navy in the history of navies with battleships designed by the famous ship designer Donald J. Trump himself. See how easy it is to confuse fleet and fleece?
The commander in chief knows the return of the Spanish Armada is just around the corner and he wants to be ready. He's vowed to stop anything that harnesses wind power.
Finally, we're closer to Boxing Day in America than you might think. The ruling class has a lot of stuff they don't want and the most plentiful of those unwanted things are employees. If they can get rid of a lot of employees, they'll have more money to buy new stuff.
So they can put their old stuff in boxes and give it to their former employees for tax breaks. Which is another example of unwanted gift grift, come to think of it.