Somewhere there's a video of me typing that somewhere there's a video of me typing this column. Maybe you've seen it.
If you haven't, what are you waiting for? Who wouldn't want to see a low res document of my feet up, kicked back, laptop pounding self scribbling through another screed? Check WikiLeaks and make sure you give it a thumbs up!
Or you could go straight to the source. Barack I know you know I just typed your name. All the deep staters know Barack and Inspector Gadget are watching our every move.
Someday, if there is such a thing, they'll look back on this era as the age of video rash. That's short for the time when video reality devoured rationality.
Urban dwellers the world over have lived with a high level of video surveillance for decades. There isn't a cubic foot of public or business space in any American city that isn't under the eternal eye of the lens.
But we rural survivalists haven't been so watched. We have moved in the shadows.
Until the last ten years. Today nearly every person walking is carrying a video taking world wide instant messaging unit. In 1992 it would have taken dozens of people and millions of dollars to accomplish what you can now do by pointing your phone and pressing a couple of buttons.
Big Brother doesn't even really have to watch. We're more than happy to shoot and share our most incriminating evidence. We're not waiting. We're just going to go get our fifteen minutes just like the guy who invented the soup can said we would.
But that wasn't enough. The rush of information technology overwhelmed our ability to keep up. There are drones over our heads. They may be taking pictures or they might be delivering pizzas, nobody's quite sure.
They just look cool up there, that is until they're hovering right over your outhouse. They're legal to shoot in some states, but you definitely don't want to shoot the wrong one.
Turns out our smart phones, our smart tv's, even our smart toaster ovens are spying on us, recording our every move. Remember yesterday when you grabbed that pop-tart too soon and tossed it across the kitchen? It's documented. The image of your burned digits burned into digits on a massive hard drive under Fort Knox.
As long as you believe that, you're right where they want you. What's a reasonable doubt when doubt is the only thing you've got?
We're in a time when the Twilight Zone theme isn't quite ominous enough. There are those who believe if it isn't on video, it never happened. That's not even the scary thing.
There are others who know it didn't happen, but are putting it on video anyway.
The Donald and his closest advisor, Steve Bannon, are masters of the unreal, aka reality tv. Bannon's website, Breitbart, has hosted more footage of things that didn't really happen than Disney Cartoon Studios. He wants you to think Survivor is real but the moon landing was fake.
If it isn't on video, it probably happened. That vid you're watching of me right now is CGI.
Just remember these words from the video rash. If you tweet it, then delete it, it never happened.