My mother looked at me today and said, "I'm sure glad I live in the mountains...we've got no alligators dragging kids away and no crazies running around shooting everybody."
It's hard to argue with that, so I didn't mention our bears could do that if they wanted to. Come to think of it, we have crazies that could do that if they wanted to, too.
No, I kept my mouth shut because I had to agree. We have no alligators, that's cut and dry. We've got plenty of crazies, but if they haven't shot up a family reunion they're not likely to blow up any other gathering, either.
Some families have better sense than to gather up in groups. I've never once heard of a Ruth family reunion, for instance. There's a standing law in Owen County that prohibits more than 7 Ruth's in any one place at a time. We almost broke the law at my dad's funeral. If corpses counted, I might still be in the Owenton jail.
There's a big difference between a mountain black bear and a swamp alligator, just as there is between a mountain crazy and a Florida crazy.
Black bears are pretty laid back creatures. They'll usually run the other way if you just shout at them. One might destroy a car trying to get at a bag of potato chips, but the same bear wouldn't come after a human if he was wearing bacon underwear.
I have personally been chased across a Florida golf course by an alligator. They're angry for no apparent reason other than baking in the sun for 14-15 hours a day. If you're swimming in Florida, you're swimming with alligators and they're all eager to snack.
Our crazies are like our bears. As long as you don't poke them, they're just not that much to worry about. We live in a mellow, temperate environment. We have shade, breezes, cool hollows and wide temperature shifts. It's easier to cool down here.
With a low population, our goofballs are a lot more apparent. We know them and know to let them be. When they're riled up, we calm them down quicker. That's not the case in more populated areas. Crazies can hide in a crowd.
You may wonder where this is going. Alligators, bears, all kinds of crazy...could this be is a second amendment discussion? Of course it is!
We're for the second amendment here. But while we may have a divine right to bear arms, we certainly don't have a divine right to arm bears. And that's what we keep doing. Bears and other wild animals. Including alligators.
Would you arm an alligator? While our bears are napping, alligators are plotting. If one with no arms could drag away a child, imagine what one with arms could do at a day care center?
Why would you sell a weapon that can put down 100 people in a couple of minutes to just anybody? That's what the question is, not whether we should have guns, but whether just anybody can walk into a store and buy a weapon of mass destruction.
I don't think they should. Not bears. Not alligators. And certainly not crazies.