Once upon a time, spending a pretty penny really meant something. Before long, you won't even be able to find a pretty penny.
This isn't an allusion to the economy. I hope.
The last penny was minted in the United States this week, 230 years after the first. You might say the future of the penny isn't worth one red cent.
So if you find a red cent, hang on to it, because most will be dull and brown in no time. It's probably best to haul those coffee cans full of pennies to the bank now, there's no gumball machines left to drop them into.
Of course, it'll take time for all the remaining pennies to go away. But soon you'll notice all your bills rounded to 0 or 5 to make room for the nickel takeover. Your pennies will just flounder under seat cushions and in old pockets.
Nobody says "a penny for your thoughts" anymore. Maybe that's because it costs 4 cents to make a penny and thoughts are nearly worthless since they got so closely tied with prayers.
You can't even cash pennies in for copper because they're 98% zinc.
What I wonder is what sayings were lost when the last coin was taken out of circulation. A few of you might remember, it was the half-cent in 1857. Some say that decision by the Buchanan administration nearly tore the country apart.
That was a bad American History joke if I lost you there.
Because with no more pennies coming down the pike, we're going to have to rethink some things. A penny saved won't be a penny earned, it'll just be collecting ballast. Will penny pinching become the new fidget spinning or will it just be something nobody understands anymore but still expects from congress?
And what about all those bad pennies? You know they always turn up. We may quit making pennies, but we'll always have politicians.
So here's my two cents on the subject. Rest assured, it's worth more than a plug nickel.
If I'm a nickel, I'd be watching my back. You think 4 cents is too much to make a penny? Try on 14 cents to make a nickel. Do the math, with the increase in nickel production to take the place of pennies, our economy will soon grind to a halt.
Certainly, at that point, the federal reserve will step in and in just a matter of time your bills will only end in 0, no more 5s. It costs less than 6 cents to make a dime and only 15 cents to make a quarter. You don't have to be an economist to see what's coming for the nickel.
But you know what? If I'm in for a penny, might as well be in for a pound. What's getting rid of nickels when you can get rid of bills and coins altogether? Our corporate overlords want us to go to a cash free society because how can they truly have control as long as you can hold real money in your hand?
Imagine how much you could save if you didn't have any to lose? Probably be a pretty penny!