Anyone besides me think bears have the right idea? Box turtles and bats think so.
Let's hear it for hibernation. I'd love to be sleeping through this winter stuff. I've been chilled since mid November. As far as I can tell, it's not going to get to sixty for weeks. It'll seem like weeks anyway.
First, you don't have to say it. I know. Bears around here don't really hibernate. But they do lay around and nap a lot. A little torpor works for me.
In my in-depth research for the previous 3 paragraphs, I learned something very interesting. You know another small furry animal that hibernates?
The groundhog.
The groundhog normally hibernates underground from October into March. Astute listeners will notice February 2 is the time ole Phil should be sound asleep. Have we misunderstood this marmot all along?
Maybe instead of telling you winter will last six more weeks, he's telling you to leave him alone and let him sleep six more weeks. Quit waking him up early in those stupid hats.
Who is the person who figured out what groundhogs are saying anyway? I've been to plenty of libraries and I'm yet to see a guide to translating woodchuck. Mathematicians don't even understand them.
How much? Indeed.
Have I been unfair to the groundhog? Have I been slow to hear what the groundhog is putting down? Looks like we both just want to hibernate and we're both annoyed by people in stupid hats.
I don't think Phil or any of his family are too crazy about the latest stupid hat idea from the stupid hat poobah. But I'm so glad he said it out loud because all the people need to know what he wants.
In case you were hibernating, Patel's FBI seized election records last week in Atlanta. Cadet Bonespurs declared "we need to nationalize elections and have the Republican party take over about 15 state's elections." Which means the club of stupid hats in the legislature will do everything in their power to make it happen.
By everything in their power, we mean nothing. Nothing says we're right there with you like doing nothing as he burns the whole thing down.
Do I need to say that is not what it says in the constitution? Probably not. But I do need to say what further evidence do we need to add another few lines to that constitution?
I'm not a lawyer or a groundhog, so I don't have the exact verbiage but they should add up to electoral boards will be non-partisan and districts are determined outside partisan influence. Primaries are open.
Just as long as it comes right after the paragraph declaring only humans are people and money is not speech. But I digress.
I hear what you're thinking. I'm dreaming. Who really can blame me? Imagine the dreams you could have if you slept most of winter! You know who I bet has great dreams? Prairie dogs. Those puppies can hibernate six months out of the year.
I'd settle for six weeks in a heartbeat.