I'm typing as loud as I can so you'll be able to hear. We may have lost another speaker by the time this hits print.
Just don't let me get ahead of myself. This week's column is all about buffoonery, a subject many will agree I'm well versed in. Buffoonery can lead to all types of bad things, many worse than lost speakers.
If you haven't noticed, we elect a lot of buffoons. Let's take a look.
At the clown congress headquartered in the nation's capital, Kentuckians not named McConnell are demonstrating their ability to accomplish nothing while being wildly entertaining. A former state Agriculture Commissioner is making a name for himself leading an impeachment inquiry against the president.
Comer Rhymes With Gomer might not be the name he imagined he was making for himself, but you can't argue with results. The only thing there is less of than results is evidence of wrongdoing from the president.
But that doesn't stop Rep. C.R.W.G. from declaring when pushed for something real, "Just wait, you'll see." Which is the line used by every chair of every Republican led hearing since Whitewater. Not one has ever proven anything. You waited, you saw nothing.
So far, the two biggest accomplishments of the Biden impeachment inquiries have been to successfully spread more debunked Russian propaganda and to make Jamie Raskin look like a genius.
Which leads us to the lost speaker. As of this writing, another Kentucky treasure, Thomas Massie, head of the Ark Park's chapter of Concealed Carriers for Christ, has declared support to oust Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson for bringing forward a bill to support Ukraine. Concealed Carriers for Christ's primary funders, the Russian oligarchy, will have none of that.
So Massie Most Sassy joins master stooge Marjorie Taylor Green in an attempt to throw congress into chaos. Of course, it takes three stooges to make a movie. Moe and Curley have their script, they're waiting for Larry to come to the table reading. If it's what the master buffoon wants, it probably happened by now.
There's a good reason there has never been a former U.S. president under any felony indictment, much less stand trial. That's because none of them were two-bit conmen in bed with the enemy.
Deep down, you must be quite the buffoon to think you can break laws and flaunt them with impunity. How else could you describe the man who'd look up at an eclipse without shades?
Unfortunately, you don't have to go all the way to DC to study buffoonery in the public space. The release of the special examination by the state auditor's office of Elkhorn City's finances this week illustrated the subject clearly.
The city spent grant money where it wasn't supposed to, paid professional services without receipts, and failed to pay into employee's retirement and health plans. It appears it employed a book-keeping system based on the "whoever has the pencil" method.
The auditor's report only goes back 2-3 years, but likely this has been going on since 2011. That's when forward-looking government in Elkhorn was taken over by the run backward crowd.
And in the race backward, buffoonery is hard to beat.