It's always good to start the day the Meat and Tater way. Got your coffee ready?
My phone started pinging at about 8:30 Wednesday morning. It was Meat texting me that Tater was making me a breakfast burrito and if I wasn't over there in five minutes he'd have to eat it.
I'm trying to be one of those intermittent fasters who only eats between noon and 8. But deep down I'm really one of those cheapskates who never turns down free food no matter what the clock says. So I ran over as quick as I could.
Meat was sitting in his usual spot hooting at something on the tube, a half eaten burrito on the coffee table in front of him. He held tight to a clear glass full of dark red liquid.
Tater greeted me with a plate. "So good to see you SJ, Meat hasn't moved from in front of the TV since Monday. Now eat up and please rescue me from another day of this madness.
"I am not missing the Trump perp walk for anything," Meat calmly said between a drink from his glass and a more colorful exclamation toward the screen. "He said he was going to get arrested. Surely he wasn't just making something up."
"Well that would be unusual" I replied before looking back to Tater. "Is that a bloody mary he's drinking and can I have one too?"
She eyed me a second. "It's a bloody maria, stick with the program. Hello, breakfast BURRITOS. And no, you can't have one. Didn't you hear me; you're rescuing me. Those are to keep Meat on the couch."
It was as if Meat didn't even hear us. I don't think he did. The look in his eyes was crookeder than just the crooked of two or three rise and shiners. "Wait...what? No grand jury today? No indictment, no fingerprints. I want a mugshot!"
He finished his glass and put it down. He picked up his plate and went after the rest of the burrito, ignoring us.
"Anywhere SJ, just get me out of here for a while. Just a quick joyride if you have to get back and take care of Saint Loretta. Anywhere."
I swallowed a large bite of burrito and shrugged. "The time change scrambled her. She hasn't been up before 10:30 yet. We've got plenty of time."
She got a relieved look for a second, then got up, grabbed Meat's empty glass and disappeared into the kitchen.
"Man, they're not going to parade him in front of the tv cameras" I said to Meat although he probably didn't understand me because I'd just taken another large bite of free food.
Meat was about to reply but Tater appeared and handed him another full glass. "He does not want to hear that SJ I've been saying it for two days. Let's go."
With a thermos in one hand, she opened the door. I got up and tagged behind. "O great you brought us coffee."
She stopped. "It's not coffee SJ. Meat's had 4 of those and I need to catch up if I'm coming back. But I'll buy you a hot one at RFG Society."