I couldn't count the nights I've pondered the mysteries staring at the moon. Of all the questions I've pondered, there is one that steals my sleep more than all the others.
I wonder what time it is up there?
Turns out I'm not the only person wondering. There's a whole space agency in Europe trying to figure out the same thing. To be precise, they're trying to decide what time zone to put the moon in.
Let's stop right here and acknowledge what I'm sure many of you are thinking. When Neil Armstrong walked on the moon the time was not in question. "Houston we have a problem; we don't know what time it is," are words never spoken by an American astronaut.
Unfortunately, Houston hasn't been in the moon business in quite a while. NASA and partners set the international space station on UTC time years ago. That could work for the moon, too.
The European Space Agency just wants someone to make the call. So they've thrown a committee together to plan a symposium to design a study to determine what to do. They say it's urgent because moon missions are in the plans of several agencies. NASA plans to put humans back on the moon in 2025.
The real reason the European group wants an international body to make the call is to ensure Elon Musk doesn't get there first and set it by Twitter poll. They know NASA won't be much help due to the current makeup of congress. The majority party is split pretty evenly 3 ways on the subject of the moon.
Roughly a third think timing rights should be set by whatever corporation (Space X) that gets there first. A different third argues there is no moon at all but a liberal conspiracy to over run our suburbs with transexual werewolves. The final third, you guessed it, believe it's made of cheese so obviously Velveeta's call.
Wait until one of them figures out the man in the moon's wearing eye shadow.
It should be noted the minority party in congress is fairly unanimous in the sentiment that the moon is a thing and that thing is not made of cheese. They don't judge the man in the moon. No wonder they're bound for hell.
But I digress. I showed the article about time on the moon to Meat and he said "Why don't you ask Waddy?"
Why didn't I think of that? You might not believe this, but Waddy is my cousin from the Planet Peytona. Some of you might have heard him on Appalshop radio. He's been out in the stars since the big flood, so I texted him.
"What's up SJ, haven't heard from you since I took a left at Orion."
"I've got a time question for you Waddy. You got time?"
"Sure, it's all relative. What do you want to know?"
"What time is it on the moon?"
"Depends which direction you're going. If you're coming from the stars, it could be any time. But it's always two minutes to touchdown on earth."
"How about if you're coming from earth?"
"Are you serious? What time is it in Houston?"