Meat, Tater and I have been communicating by porch the last couple of weeks. Who needs a phone?
The best thing about yelling from porch to porch is nobody, except the other neighbors, are listening in. They've all been ignoring us for years.
It's hard to imagine something isn't listening to every call we make when all you have to do is think about going for a ride and suddenly your social feed is filled with Used Car deals.
As far as I can tell, nobody's slipped me a chip when I wasn't looking. I haven't had any vaccinations lately, Bill Gates is not tracking my digestive habits. Heck, nobody's been close enough to get a microchip in me for months.
If you believe Meat, I've been social distancing my entire life. Course, I'd have told you the same about him before the Tater miracle. But I digress.
Neither Meat nor I are too fond of the chilly weather we've had since Thanksgiving. So the outdoor communication with my old buddy has been kind of short. The only reason I see him at all is he keeps beer on the front porch when it's cold.
On the other hand, Tater hasn't put a coat on yet. I guess you can take the girl out of Vermont and all.
We've covered all the usual topics. Some have been cussed, discussed, focused, and leviticussed. We've chewed Death Cults and pandemics and science and the tantrum in chief till there's nothing left. Surprisingly, we've solved exactly none of the crises facing our country today.
We could if we wanted to, but then what would we talk about?
Good question. Did you Mount Everest got higher? According to Nepal and China, the two countries the mountain straddles, the mountain is ten feet taller than previously believed. If you were flying over it at a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, you'd scrape the belly of the plane. The big news is this the first time China and Nepal have agreed on anything, much less the height of the hill.
Meat says its a plot to make eastern Kentucky look inferior. The new figures makes that mountain ten times higher than Pine's peak above Elkhorn. If he had some slurry and a snowmobile, he'd show 'em what to do with a mountain. That was a quote.
Didn't hear that one? Look it up! And here's another one we've been gnawing on.
According to a highly respected space security chief from Israel, a group of aliens (the space kind for you Trumpets out there) claiming to be from the Galactic Federation have signed contracts with several earth entities to allow research in our solar system.
According to Dr. Haim Eshed, earth already has joint operations on Mars with the Federation. Even more incredible, Donald Trump knows all about it and has not (as of this writing) included the morsel in one of his increasingly frequent and unhinged Tweet storms.
Figures. The aliens took one look at Trump and realized humans just aren't ready to deal with spacemen. Probably just a little too real for the reality TV crowd.