Last week's visit from Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey was just what March needed. If there's a month that's a circus, this is it. It comes in like a lion and goes out in a clown suit.
I talked to my old pal Pete Punchinello at the Congressional Clown College in DC yesterday about this year's crop of white-faced pranksters and other March madness. Pete's a Doctor of Funambulistic Buffoonery and just received the prestigious Stringbean Hambone Prize.
"Hey Pete, congratulations on the Stringbean!"
"Thanks SJ. I'm honored to be honored. As you know, I dug a lot of holes to get here. I'm piled high and deep in it. But it takes extra big shoes to stand out in a town full of clowns, so I want to thank the folks down at Shoe Carnival."
"Well, speaking of, who's wearing the big shoes on campus in this year's class?"
"Oh man, my nose has been glowing red as Kansas since the November election! And this bunch has not let me down one bit. The hardest thing is identifying who THE Class Clown is. So I'm giving squirting carnations to a whole tiny carload of jesters this month."
"Like?"
"You've got quite a mountebank in the freshman Senator from Arkansas. An open letter to a hostile power undercutting our president? That's Chaplinesque! How can you top that?
How about by getting yourself elected as a fiscal conservative to represent the area Abe Lincoln once represented, decorating your DC offices like a British TV show, then resigning when the FBI comes knocking over all the Caribbean vacations, concert tickets and Jaeger shots you took on the public dime. That's the stuff of Steve Martin right there! And I want to remind you we're barely over halfway through the month."
One wonders what else can come in this month. We've had snow, cold, rain, and flood. The only thing harder to clean up after than a flood is drunk Irishmen telling O'Bama jokes, which we also got this month.
"You know, SJ, these young pranksters have put pressure on the old guard. But you know what? Some of them have risen to the occasion! Just this week Dick Cheney called the current president the worst president of his lifetime. This is a guy who lived through both the George W Bush and James Buchanan administrations! That's gold right there. He's gunning for the Emmett Kelly Lifetime Achievement prize and this could be his year as long as Joe Biden doesn't feel up Queen Elizabeth."
"That's impressive stuff Pete, but I'm not counting Joe out. So how about the president? I hear he picked Kentucky in the tournament."
"I'm glad you mentioned that SJ. I can't decide if Barry's being satirically ironic or ironically satiric on this one. You know he's only one of six in championship predictions. How can you react to such a wisecracker? You're the one who lives there. How do you root for Kentucky when Obama roots for Kentucky? What happens when he shows up in a "you hate us cause you ain't us" blue t-shirt passing out AML money? That's the sign of a master mummer right there, he's taking you to a place very few gagsters can get."
"Where's that Pete?"
"It's the Bozone, SJ. It's called the Bozone."