The nominees are in for the Paddling Upstream prestigious Subject of the Week. It looks like the overwhelming favorite is "Valentine's Day", with "Misinformation Overload", "Dictator Loving Pundits", "Don't Deregulate Kentucky's Telecoms", and "There's No Vaccination for Idiocy" fighting for Honorable Mention.
Let's get straight to it. The winner is: Don't Deregulate Kentucky's Telecoms.
I was watching an interesting episode of Kentucky Tonight this week where a couple of folks with real facts were confronted with a couple other folks with no facts but lots of bull...
BANG BANG BANG.
Baloney. Someone's at the door. Hold on a sec.
"Who Is It?"
"SJ! You open this door right now."
It's my next door neighbor, Meat. Meat's wearing camo t-shirt, shorts and flip flops. He looks cold, probably because it's cold today. So I let him in.
"What is it Meat, what's up?"
"You know what's up. What the heck are you writing about?"
Meat runs straight to my laptop, wildly eyeing the screen. I step over and close the screen.
"Well, Meat, the voters selected "Don't Deregulate Kentucky's Telecoms". Came as kind of a surprise, but that's what the voters wanted."
"The voters are a joke SJ. This award is a joke. DDKT needs to respect Valentine's Day's artistry and step aside!"
"Huh? Artistry? It's not like a subject can really step aside Meat. It doesn't work that way. And I've already started the column. Are you saying "Don't Deregulate" doesn't matter? It's a real thing. It's in the state legislature. People could lose access to land lines, people's phone costs could rise if they deregulate."
"No one wants to hear your liberal junk SJ. Everybody knows regulations kill business. Love is in the air!"
"But Meat, Valentine's Day is a manufactured holiday. It's only reason for being is to sell more roses and chocolate. Who cares?"
"Your girlfriend cares SJ."
Jeez. Who can argue with that? I can't argue with that. I mean, the poor guy is wearing shorts and flipflops. In February. Probably because some wacko convinced him we'd have an early spring. People believe anything these days. It's not like my girlfriend really cares. I don't think. Or does she?
"So what if we switch to the subject you want Meat? What do I tell the others? How do I explain why we defied the will of the voters?"
"O quit whining SJ, the Supreme Court does it all the time."
It's the day before Valentine's Day. This is a day that will be discussed over workplace waterfountains and social media outlets for hours, possibly days to come. A day when misinformation overload carried the day and right-flavored pundits wished our president was more like a muslim King and a communist dictator. Which is quite a change from declaring him a Muslim Dictator every other day.
It's the day before Valentine's Day. It's a day for getting those flower orders in and picking up a nice bottle of wine and box of chocolates for the one you love.
It's the day before Valentine's Day. It was the day Meat Kanyed my column. There's no vaccination for that, either.