The difference between a hero and a coward is one step sideways. I'm not sure what that really means, but it sounds good.
The quote is attributed to the late Gene Hackman. The mystery behind his and wife Betsy Arakawa's deaths was revealed last week and I can't let it go. The scenario is one of my worst nightmares.
If you missed the news, the couple's bodies were found a few weeks ago, no signs of break in or physical trauma. She on the floor of a bathroom, he on the floor of the mudroom, as if both simply dropped dead. But no evidence of gas leak or similar culprit.
Gene Hackman was 95 years old. Arakawa, his wife since 1991, was 65. What most apparently didn't seem to know, is she had become his full time caretaker in their New Mexico home. Hackman was suffering from advanced Alzheimers.
What we learned is Betsy Arakawa, Gene Hackman's wife and caretaker, died of hantavirus pulmonary syndrome most likely on February 11. Hackman died of heart disease and complications from advanced Alzheimer's, likely on February 18.
As the full time caretaker of an Alzheimer's sufferer, this situation is all too vivid.
For at least seven days, Hackman wandered around his home. He probably didn't realize Arakawa was dead or even missing. Perhaps he knew someone wasn't feeding him or giving him his heart medication but he didn't have any idea what to do about it. He likely wore the same clothes he had on when she died and probably hadn't even been to bed because he didn't know where to go.
Then one day the combined effect of no medication and no food and no sleep stopped his heart.
I am not going to lie. This is a fear I've had since long before Gene and Betsy brought my nightmare to the screen. I was having this thought long before somebody looked at me and said cancer. I'm a year older than Arakawa, so realistically, anything could happen.
What if I died in my sleep? What would happen? How long would my body lay in the part of the house mom quit going to years ago? How many days would she sit in her chair before somebody walked in the door? Would anybody find her before it's too late?
To be honest, I don't think it'd be long. While mom doesn't answer the phone anymore, several folk would probably get suspicious if I passed into radio silence.
At least I think they would. But you'd think somebody would have gotten suspicious pretty quickly when the Hackman household went silent. Surely a retired actor of his standing would still have a wide circle of people staying connected.
It took fifteen days before someone figured out something was wrong.
I'm not sure what that says about anything, just as I'm not sure what the quote really means. What I will say is there are a lot of people in this country caring for an elderly family member who've chosen to take one step sideways.
Hackman was the great anti-hero of American cinema. His wife was the hero of the house.