This week we'll be upstreaming some hot news from the infotainment superduper highway. Remember, you aggregated it here first!
It's been an up and down couple of weeks for space exploration. Yes, I've been waiting years to write that sentence.
On the coming down fast side, a private cargo rocket exploded just after takeoff when an intern explored what happens when you hit the red Self-Destruct button. And Virgin Galactic's plan to capitalize on the 1 percenters' Captain Kirk complex was dealt a blow when the the emergency break engaged just as the thrusters kicked in on a test flight. The mid-air holeshot caused the spacecraft to break up, killing the co-pilot. The pilot managed to pull his parachute after free-falling thousands of feet unconscious strapped to his seat. Nervous Nellie's are asking for their deposits back.
On the up side, the European Space Agency successfully landed a probe on a 2.5 mile wide comet about 200 million miles away. Imagine throwing a dart from the Expo and hitting the bullseye on a dartboard in a rolling Winnebego speeding across the Australian Outback. This huge accomplishment will lead to many things, but the best is that we will be able to shoot Ben Affleck at an asteroid to save us one day.
What's missing from all this space news? NASA. Once one of our country's greatest sources of pride, NASA was proof of our scientific, technological, and intellectual superiority over the rest of the world. The innovations it brought drove trillions of dollars of new economic activity in our country.
But times changed. We can't waste money on innovation and exploration anymore. Besides, going into space isn't a high priority for politicians who want to convince you the world is flat.
In other news of celestial objects and their immediate access, a Kardashian derriere has been spotted in full glory in an online virtual magazine. Being a dedicated reporter of all things that go bump in the night, I got right to the bottom of it. Yes, I looked.
I must admit, right off, a couple of things. First I don't really know which Kardashian I was viewing. I haven't studied them enough to know one from another. I may not be able to tell a Kardashian from a Wheatie's Box, but I'm pretty sure the one pictured has never eaten Wheaties.
Second, and this is much more important than the first point, I'm positive if there are alien beings from another planet among us, they are Kardashian. How else do you explain their fame?
Now back to the matter at hand. This particular Kardashian booty is offered by the magazine to...and this is a direct quote..Break the Internet. That's right. To break the internet.
I'll admit to being puzzled by this. I just don't get it. Maybe there's some kind of ironic backside to this story that I'm missing. Break the internet? I'm not sure how they can deliver the online version of their magazine if that happens. Is that what they really want to do?
But, and it's a big butt, based on my observations, if that thing fell on the internet, it'd probably break it real good.