This isn't an actual column. This is a concept of a column.
But it's a beautiful concept, probably the greatest concept in history. People keep saying we have the most perfect concept, it's like they are conceptualizing it with us. That's what they're saying.
Conceptualize this.
Our poor defenseless animal shelters are being overrun by filthy, mongrel strays and runaways coming mostly from Mexico according to everybody I talk to. Millions of them bringing disease and stealing food right off the table.
Dogs, more dogs that can be counted, all kinds of dogs...but never Doberman Pinschers, did you know that? I wonder why that is? Are these strays trying to replace the Pinscher? I don't know.
You know the pet eating Haitians have taken over Ohio, right? I tried to get the governor to build a wall. He said he had a mile wide river, why would he need a wall? O shrug.
My vice president what's his name tells me dogs and cats are delicacies in many of these third world countries. He should know, right? Third world countries. That's what they want me to call these places. You know what they are.
So why aren't we killing two birds with one stone? Or gerbils. Do they like gerbils? And dogs. Especially dogs. I never liked dogs. Who needs them? I don't have a pet.
The thing is, you gotta take the pressure off the shelters and the Haitians have got to eat. Come on, its obvious. Once they've eaten through our shelter problem, we'll send them back to Haiti where they belong.
That's two huge problems we've got and I just fixed them. Why hasn't Kamalamalobama done anything? What has she done about the shelters? Nothing. And what has she done about aliens eating all the pets in Ohio?
Nothing. She's done nothing because she doesn't care about our precious pets like I do.
Not only does Kooky Kennedy think it's a good idea, Elon Musk loves it. When the richest man in the world and a personal investor loves an idea, I say run with it. He's got a soft place for these people. I'm not sure why.
Some of our people think citizens of other countries shouldn't be involved in our elections. I say who cares if he's a South African. And a Canadian. He bought his American citizenship in 2002 fair and square.
We're just glad cash flow prevented us from coming on as top investor. He wanted us as top investor badly. What can I say Elon, all my cash was in Trump Bibles. So a Saudi Prince jumped in for $2 billion.
He talked Jack Dorsey who kicked me off Twitter into investing a billion. Dorsey hates Musk. Gives me a small amount of joy the company Elon bought for $44 billion is now only worth $15 B. Jack's billion is down to $280 million.
He's read "Art of the Deal". What a concept that turned out to be.
Apologies in advance to the wonderful people who advocate for the humane care of lost and abused pets. It was his concept, not mine.