Quiet please, your neighbor might still be in a turkey coma. A select few might even be suffering cranberry hangovers.
Don't scoff. You've never been crocked until you've been cranberry crocked.
Thankfully, I maintained cranberry control for the holiday. I tempered my taste for turkey, too. I stopped with all the stuffing and pumped the pedal on the pumpkin pie.
So my thankful yesterday is doubled today because I didn't gain ten pounds of mashed potato in one sitting. Nobody needs that, especially me. I'm sitting on enough mash, thank you.
I know what you're thinking. I know exactly what you're thinking. SJ has no willpower.
So you're wondering how I, with no willpower, managed to get through a plentiful, bounteous Thanksgiving feast without gaining a single pound? What's the secret?
You are right. I have no willpower. But I do have a plan. Go green. If it's green, eat all you want. If it's not, just have a bite. Green beans, collard greens, green jello casserole, good to go. Ham, turkey, gravy. No no no.
I'm not saying it's easy. It's not easy. Not everybody likes green, I realize. The greenest thing some of you eat is a french fry. You're going to need a trick up your sleeve. I've got a trick up my sleeve.
It's called the brussels sprout. You know what I mean, those little baby cabbages. I'm not kidding.
Those little cabbages go a long way. The brussels sprout is 86% water to begin with. It's got no calories but lots of vitamins that are good for you. You can eat all you want!
But you've got to be sure they're at the meal, so it's probably going to be up to you to bring them. Not a problem because they're easy to fix. Some people really like them and there's rarely any competition for who brought the best sprouts.
Just to be sure, roast them. I know the classic preparation is steamed and I do love the old steamed brussels sprouts. But sometimes you've got to live on the edge.
That means cutting those suckers in half or quarters, drizzle olive oil and balsamic vinegar over them, sprinkle garlic powder and salt, spread them on a cookie sheet and roast a few minutes until the outer leaves burn. Throw them in a bowl and sprinkle a little parmesian on for highlights.
The other diners at your Thanksgiving feast will be so impressed with the dish they'll hardly realize you've only got sprouts and jello on your plate. You'll be sticking with the program and they'll be none the wiser.
Pass the peas, please!
The last thing I need this weekend is extra weight while I tromp around the hills carrying two days worth of food and gear on my back. And that's exactly what I hope to be doing.
I guess everything I've written here is what I hope to be doing. Especially the part about not gaining ten pounds on Thanksgiving. I'll be extra thankful if I don't do that.