Here's one you've all heard before: There's no place like home.
How many of you just closed your eyes and mentally tapped your heels together?
If you're like me, you're missing a very important piece of equipment. It takes a pair of ruby red slippers with a little witch dust to get you where you want to go. Both are hard to come by.
Here's one I bet you haven't heard. While filming the Wizard of Oz, Judy Garland wore several pairs of ruby reds. Only four pairs remain. One pair is owned by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, one pair is owned by the Smithsonian Museum. The other two pairs were owned by private collectors with one on loan to the Judy Garland Museum in her hometown Grand Rapids, Minnesota.
In 2005, someone climbed through a museum window, broke the display case and took that pair of Dorothy's ruby red slippers. At the time, they were insured for one million dollars. The case went unsolved and, though it took several years, the private collector collected his insurance money.
In 2017, someone contacted the insurance company offering a lead to where the missing slippers might be. In 2018, the FBI recovered the shoes in a sting operation in Minneapolis. No arrests or charges were made.
Until last week. 76 year old Terry Martin of Grand Rapids was indicted on one count of theft of a major artwork by the U.S. Department of Justice. He lives only 12 miles from the Judy Garland Museum.
It appears the then 58 year old Martin climbed through a window and knocked over the display case to get his opportunity to transport without having to pay for a taxi. All he'd need to do is get his feet into Judy Garland's size 5 shoes.
We'll have to wait until the trial on June 1 to get details on how that worked out for him in the short term. Imagine a late middle aged Minnesotan, feet stuffed into million dollar slippers made of wood pulp, sequins and glass beads.
While quietly chanting "there's no place like home", he takes one more drink and bangs the heels of his overstuffed slippers together. I can't wait to hear what happened after that. Did he land in his Lazy Boy or on his face?
Only Glenda the Good Witch and the FBI know and their lips are sealed. But they do agree Mr. Martin's long term prospects aren't so good but could be worse. If he was in Tennessee they'd have to add an appearing in drag charge to his indictment.
I know what many of you are thinking right now. There's a lot of people who'd love to tap their heels together and go to the house. By all accounts those missing slippers are in good enough shape to give you a chance and they'll be available once the trial is over.
But bad news friends. Inflation is real and you'll have to figure out how to turn your million dollars into three and a half million to have a chance at the ruby red slippers.
There's no place like home, indeed.