By now you might have heard speculation that Facebook will change its name and focus on the metaverse. Whatever that is.
What the Metaverse isn't is a new mall somewhere over around Johns Creek, no matter what your uncle heard at the Dollar Store. The metaverse is not a place you can hitch a ride to.
But we'll get back to that.
The news that Facebook could be rebranding is as surprising as dark at 10 pm . The antisocial media conglomerate is under increasing pressure to do something serious about misinformation and bad actors on its platform. Unfortunately, that would decrease revenue so Mark Zuckerberg has a better idea.
They're going to change their name, but not their stripes.
That's right. Facebook and all its holdings--Instagram, WhatsApp, Oculus and more--will create a metaverse of products where users can immerse themselves in virtual worlds using avatars in real time. Or at last that's what the great and powerful Zuck wants you to be thinking about.
Just as long as you aren't thinking about all the damage his antisocial platform has made possible from cranks, crooks and cretins. Forget that the misinformation and misbehavior his little college side hustle unleashed has undermined our elections and laws, prolonged a pandemic, and helped foment an insurrection in Washington, DC.
And most definitely pay no attention to the billions he's made trading your personal information, thoughts, habits and laundry for gold.
A complete rebranding is just the thing to help you right along. It'll be flashy, it'll be catchy. It'll be new and different and just what you just realized you need. You'll forget all about that ugly Facebook stuff pondering the exciting new metaverse that whatchamacallit will lead you into.
I'll remind you this is all speculation, but the most spectacular speculation is what will the what in whatchamacallit be? What are they going to call it?
Some of the more promising spectacles are: Zuckster, Sigma Alpha MetaVerse, and Facebot. For those of you looking for something a little more realistic, LifeSuck and TheTruthisOutThere(NotInHere) are polling really well. One I thought was a real sleeper is GeminiSwag. Give it a minute.
Whatever name the Zucketeers come up with won't really matter. A name is just a name. The stuff that comes out of the back end of a bull is the same thing no matter what you call it.
What we should be pondering is exactly what kind of metaverse the producer of a platform that best profits on misinformation and conflict is dreaming up. Will it be full of Russian spies disguised as your aunt? Will bleach kill coronavirus in that world or only you like in the real one?
Who am I kidding, of course it will. That's the whole point. Reality is such a drag. People will flock to it because they'd rather live in a pretend place than the actual real world.
But not me. With Facebook as a preview, I'm pretty sure Zuckerberg's virtual reality world is one I don't want to get lost in.
At least not without an automatic weapon.