Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses. Mar-a-Lago needs cleaning women and grounds crew.
We've learned a few interesting things this week. One is those words on the Statue of Liberty actually refer only to Europeans with bankrolls.
This according to Ken Cuccinelli, acting Director of U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services. Most Directors of federal agencies these days are "acting" because no one who could actually get approved by Congress wants to work for Cadet Bonespurs.
"My ancestors got here the right way and I expect today's immigrants should, too."
Mr. Cuccinelli's Italian ancestors came to the United States on vacation in the 19th century and bought a summer home. The Irish side of his family were potato brokers. They're credited with inventing twice baked potatoes after an after dinner house fire.
"We're going to improve order on the southern border with a new policy. We'll fast track any asylum seekers who show up with 30 pieces of silver, per family member of course. In those cases, we'll drop any illegal crossing charges and put them up in a Super 8 overnight before we hand them a green card and send them to work at one of our...I mean Mr. Trump's...resorts."
"Those who don't want to go to a Trump resort should present 30 pieces of gold or an indoor complexion."
In related news, over 650 undocumented workers were arrested at chicken processing plants in Mississippi last week. The owner of the plants, Koch Industries, expressed surprise that so many of their workers appeared to be illegal immigrants.
They also expressed relief that illegal hiring laws only pertain to those who were hired, not the company that did the actual hiring.
Per their spokesman, "You have to do a lot of illegal things to make it in the chicken industry and we're happy we've bought enough politicians to keep us out of jail."
In other related news, several metro area KFC's have shortened hours due to chicken part shortages. They expect shortened hours to continue until Mississippi officials have looked the other way long enough for 650 new chicken processors to be trained.
Finally, in news not related to immigrants at all, suicide supporters are hailing the U.S. government for providing welcome spaces for suicide practicioners. Federal holding facilities, more commonly referred to as jails, have become the end point of choice for the well-heeled who want to end it all.
"Bernard Epstein was a visionary. By getting himself arrested on federal charges, he was able to show us all how easy it is to end it when others think you should hang around...alive...for a while longer," were the last words of a spokesman for Suicide Now, a self-determination advocacy group.
The last words of the next spokesperson was "The feds, with their chronic under-staffing and mandatory over-overtime for minimum wage guards, have created the perfect environment for getting your death on. And if anyone's watching, I tore the label off a mattress and transported underage llamas across state lines...please put me in one of those holding cells."
So now you know. When the Feds put you on suicide watch, the stage is yours. Don't choke.