Happy day after Valentine's dear reader. Did you wake up in the bridal suite or the dog house this morning?
Meat and Tater were all smiles today. Those two wake up in the bridal suite no matter where they are.
I suppose for most the real answer to that question is none of the above. If a dog won't even like you, you probably don't have a dog house.
There are a few things you could do to change that besides trying a new hairdo or a car. First, try not being a moody jerk. That's always a good start.
You could try Match dot Com, but if you've got no interests or never get out of the house, you might end up with a sibling. That can be awkward at family reunions.
If your problem is more, let us say hygienic, you could always try Farmers dot Com. That site gets a lot of people who live in a barn and smell of manure.
No matter your issue, there's a dating site out there for the special that is you.
The thing to remember is there's always hope...always! Don't believe me? Just look at Meat.
In an ironic calendar twist, Valentine's Day coincided with the first day of Lent this year. Lent is that time when people of certain faiths give things up and refrain from favorite activities until Easter.
I gave up drinking beer for Lent once. I lost five pounds and one-third of my friends. The pounds came back.
There's not much way to celebrate Lent and Valentine's Day at the same time. In most regards, the two are diametrically opposed. Valentine's Day is about wallowing in romance while Lent is about giving up anything that might lead to romance.
On the other hand, the perpetually solo could just give up dates for Lent and feel better about themselves after another Wednesday night alone. The technicality is you're supposed to give up something you regularly do, not something you do once a decade.
It would do people good to give something up for a while. It made me feel good that one time I did. Here are a few ideas for the folks I'm sure are paying attention.
The Fraud in Chief could give up Twitter. Fox News could give up broadcasting. Vladimir Putin could give up computers. Harvey Weinstein could give up his hands.
Senator Yertle could give up lobbyists. Governor Granite could give up his halo. The Democratic party could give up identity politics. The Republican party could give up Russia. Every single American could give up Facebook.
Actually, that last one should be forever, like that Valentine.
What's that you ask? What about me? Well I'm definitely not going to tell you where I woke up. Columnists sit on a high pedestal and somebody's got to show some decorum. That would be me.
What about Lent? Well, I thought about giving something up this year but not on Valentine's Day. I'm not doing that to my sweetheart.
And when your partner's name is Val, every day is V Day. So I'm not going to risk it.