The best news of the week was that the wurst was just a pig in a poke. Wednesday morning's American bacon shortage scare was bologna salad by afternoon.
It holds the distinction of being the first fake news story outed by Fox. A national panic was surely averted.
Although the National Swine Association promises us there'll be plenty of bacon down at Velocity this year, I think I'll be adding pork belly futures to my portfolio. Just in case.
I've cut down on bacon since I found out my cholesterol was higher than my credit rating. But I'd sure vote against a bacon shortage.
Imagine the reaction of the terminally terrified if they couldn't get their hands on bacon. How's a good ole boy gonna choke down a burger? Sounds like Sharia Law is right around the corner and Barak Obama ain't there to blame.
Speaking of, some of you might remember those days long ago when our Republican overlords were whining about the Emporer in Chief's excessive use of the Executive Order. He was writing them and they were hating them.
They whined and whined and their enablers whined right along. Executive orders were bad because they left congress out. Where was the voice of the people? The ones who didn't vote for the president, that is.
It didn't matter that Obama wrote 15 fewer Executive Orders than his predecessor.
It also didn't matter that congress didn't do anything, including the specific things the constitution says it is supposed to do, leading to many of those orders. They could get in the way and do all they could to make things worse because the enablers would always blame the White House.
But only two weeks into the Birther Administration, President Cartman is on pace to issue nearly 7 times more executive orders. Wonder how long the old razorbacks in congress will stand for that?
It's already looking like rank hypocrisy only goes so far with a few of the former complainers. If 34.6 orders per year by Obama was too much, how can they deal with a rate that's looking like 213 per year as of this writing?
Especially when those executive orders are being written by a Leninist famous for running a white supremacist, anti-American fake news website. Breitbart stands for everything our grandparents fought against during World War II.
When Steve Bannon says he wants to wreck everything he should be taken at his word. How long will Senators Graham and McCain stay quiet while an anarchist sits on the National Security Council?
If a refugee is checked and rechecked for two years before they're allowed into our country, shouldn't we be vetting the people running our government a little more closely?
It's no coincidence that the president has no business ties to the countries on the ban list. Nor is it a coincidence that the Russian state oil company just sold a 19% stake to a secret buyer.
Let's hope when those things are revealed they get more coverage than the bacon shortage. Because then there's going to be a real bar-b-que!