My next door neighbor Meat knocked on my door this morning. There isn't anything unusual about that.
"When are you going to fix that doorbell?"
"When in the last forty something years did you ever use it?"
Meat's been quiet since the paper refused to print his letter. He's taken to blogging in the Courier-Journal sports comments. His screen name is Meat77, in case you were wondering.
Tater is in Cleveland outside the Republican Convention holding a sign that reads "Trump Mein Fuhrer". That's another reason Meat's been quiet. She's heading straight to Philadelphia from there to hold a sign that just says "Beat Trump". Two weeks away is probably more than Meat can take.
"Ever figure out why the paper didn't print your letter?"
Meat surprised me with a quick smile. "Yeah, they decided to do an interview with me instead."
He leaned back and put his hands behind his head. "Yessir, that Nancy Goss called me just the other day. We talked at least fifteen-twenty minutes. Nice lady, but I didn't like some of her questions."
"Wait a minute Meat, Nancy just announced her retirement. What did you say to her?"
"Nothing I haven't said to anybody else. The Bush family and the Saudis princes are space lizards who secretly rule the world. Obama is half-human, half-lizard working for the Saudi royal family. His lizard half is a Muslim. Trump was right, Obama was not born in the United States because Hawaii doesn't really exist. Hillary is, of course, a lizard, too. Just not a space one like the rest. The humans in the presidential race were Bernie and maybe Trump depending on your view on clones. I say if you clone a human it's a human..."
I interrupted him before he hit the good stuff. Meat's theories on things are not exactly family paper material, so someone should probably apologize to Nancy.
"You know Meat, that lady has been at that newspaper over 30 years. She used to give me some great advice when I wrote for them back in the 90's."
"Did you take it?"
"Of course not, it's me you're talking to. But I should have! It would have saved me some heartache. I can't believe it. Your interview just might have been the last straw. What did she ask you?"
"You know, the usual stuff. Where do I get my ideas...Who else has heard this stuff...Am I under medication..."
Meat took on a serious look. His eyebrows and forehead screwed up like it does when he tastes something he doesn't like. Then he drooped his shoulders and his chin hit his chest.
"She's not going to write my story is she."
"Probably not. What's the last thing she said?"
"I think that's about all I need."
Indeed. You heard it here first. Meat drove Nancy Goss to retirement. I should have seen that coming.
This newspaper will definitely not be the same without her beautiful voice. I can only say Happy Retirement and sorry about that Nancy!