You are not going to believe this. Unless you didn't believe it in the first place, in which case I bet you will.
Meat has not been travelling the country with Ivanka Trump.
I must admit, I fell for it hook, line, and casino. I gobbled up every text of tales from the jet set. How cool it was to have one of your best pals canoodling with the ruling class and telling! I hadn't a clue it might not be true.
Then a few days ago I noticed a headline in my Yahoo! news feed: Ivanka Trump gives birth to a healthy boy.
Sure enough, Meat's Tater had just had her third child. Contrary to anything I and anybody else seemed to know, Trump's daughter is married with three kids.
Which makes the Donald's well documented hots for daughter even creepier. And that didn't seem possible.
But this reality made Meat's reports quite a bit less realistic. It's hard to tell reality from reality in reality tv world. Could Meat tell the difference?
As luck would have it, he showed up on my doorstep yesterday.
"Meat! What are you doing home?"
"I needed a break SJ, Tater is wearing me out..."
"You can drop the Tater stuff Meat, you ain't been travelling with Ivanka Trump. She just had a baby and you ain't that weird."
He looked shocked, then started laughing. "You'd fall for anything SJ. I had you going good on that one. Heck, you talked to her. How come you didn't know she was married and pregnant? Even I knew that!"
"That kind of thing doesn't come up on business calls Meat. What I want to know is where you've been, what you've been on. You sure sounded in love."
"O yeah, Tater is the one SJ." Meat continued to explain that he really had met a woman at a rally and they'd been following the campaign all over the country. He made up the Ivanka story because he didn't want me to know the truth, at least not yet.
"So you met her at a Trump rally and.."
"Well, that's the tricky party SJ. You know where I stand, I'm a Trump guy, right?"
"Yes, as confusing as it is, yes. What are you saying?"
"I didn't meet her at a Trump rally."
"Whose? Cruz? Rand Paul Rally? Kasich? Whose rally?"
He kind of lowered his eyes and mumbled. "Sanders...she's got the Bern."
Meat explained he went to a Bernie rally to make fun of the Berners and next thing he knew he was talking to this nice woman and one thing lead to another and the next thing he knew he was riding with her to Bernie rallies all over the place.
"Well Meat, does she know where you stand on all this? You been wearing your Don't Tread On Me cap?"
"That's the funny thing. She knows and she doesn't even care. She said there's room for everybody at a Sanders rally, even Trumps Grumps."
"Hey that's a good one. So is he making a believer out of you."
"She might be, but who really believes this stuff anyway?"