I'm sure it is pure coincidence our first snow of the season came the same week NASA and NOAA announced 2015 was the hottest year on record. Seems we're getting deeper and deeper into winter before deniers get their best evidence global warming is all a hoax.
I bet snow refuting climate change memes are flooding your favorite social media streams right now.
Politicians and other people who almost passed a science class make convincing arguments with their snowmen, but I decided to ask a few questions of the National Oceanic Atmospheric Administration anyway. I knew just who to call.
"Office of Cable Conversion, Dr. Tee Ruth speaking."
"Tee, it's SJ, how's my favorite second cousin?"
"Congress just cut our whole weather balloon budget. Ted Cruz heads the Senate science committee. Any more questions Sherlock?"
This is a good place to point out Tee is from the smart branch of the family. They usually don't make the reunions. He's a climate scientist, not a climatologist, which he's quick to point out.
"What is climatology, anyway? Sounds like some kind of religion. I study climates, I don't worship them."
He said that. But I digress.
"Well Tee, just wondering about the big hottest year on record thing. I thought carbon emissions were being cut, why is the temperature still rising? Is there something else going on?"
"That's a good question SJ, did someone write that for you? The jump in temperature is more than the models were predicting, so we had to really look behind the numbers. Carbon emissions might be falling, but it's still probably the biggest contributor. El Nino definitely has an effect, but still doesn't account for the jump."
"Then what did?"
"According to the data and the data doesn't lie, there's been a monumental increase in hot air in the United States. And it's why we predict an even hotter year in 2016. Simply put, it's the Trump effect."
They say truth is stranger than fiction. Let me tell you now Tee Ruth is too. So I got off that call and punched in Ivanka Trump's cell. I thought she'd be excited to hear from me after last week.
"Go away SJ, daddy doesn't want me talking to you anymore."
"Ivanka, NOAA scientists blame the steep rise in global temperature last year to the Trump factor."
"Of course. Daddy's a big deal stupid. I'll text you the campaign's official statement. Don't ever call me again."
In less than a minute, the following came across my phone:
Trump for President is not surprised to be polling so well in the global warming race. We're kicking bovine flatulence's butt. We were against Mexicans before we were against Muslims, so of course El Nino has got to go. There's a wall coming good people and it will be huge! And now that the beautiful patriot Sara Palin has endorsed us, well, what can we say. She's hot. I'm hot. 2015 is a loser. It will get way hotter in 2016. WAY HOTTER.
There you have it. The word from NOAA and the word from the Donald.
Here's your snowball.