Now that lovestruck Rowan countians are getting married again, some of you might be feeling a little empty. It was so fulfilling to be filled with rage, what do you do now? There's got to be something else, something glossy and sexy and twisted to get angry about.
You know there is. But you just can't put your finger on it, can you?
Well worry not my friend. SJ is here to give you direction, to set your course, to give you true anger management. Better than FOX, better than CNN, SJ and Friends are way better than MSNBC. We are here to give your angst meaning!
And happy to be of service. I've invited my next door neighbor, Meat, to stop by and help me outline where your righteous indignation should be focused. It doesn't matter if you're conservative or liberal, or some other flavor that the cable news networks don't get.
"You know SJ, I'm sick of these 'Black Lives Matter' people. All lives matter, a lot more than those black ones."
"Way to get to the point Meat. Your crew doesn't think much of 'Black Lives Matter' do they?"
"Nope.
"Well since you've pointed that out, I'm going to point out that some idiot in Texas.arrested some kid for making a clock from electronic parts."
"What?"
"Yes, they arrested a kid named Ahmed for..."
"That kids a terrorist!"
"Wait Meat, the kid built a clock. There are pictures. He's an American kid in Texas."
"Looks like a bomb. He's obviously one of them rag head terrorists. I saw Die Harder, that thing is a bomb. Ahmed is on jihad!"
"Ok Meat, whatever. How bout another object of scorn?"
"Yeah, SJ, I'll tell ya what I'm really P.O.'ed about."
"What's that Meat?"
"It's that Iran deal. No real American would make a deal with Iran!"
"You know Ronald Reagan sold them guns right after the hostage crisis...right?"
"And that's another thing, you're liberal media comes up with stuff like that."
"Facts are hard to swallow Meat."
Well, as you can see, sometimes when Meat and I attempt to work together, things get a little unhinged. It often happens when you try to work through something with folks who are allergic to facts. Facts to Meat's team are like sunlight to vampires. They simply can't stand them. It's why they and Dick Cheney blame ISIS on Obama. Delusion feels good.
After lots of give and take, lots of back and forth, lots of cussing and beer drinking, Meat and I came up with something we both could feel pretty righteously indignant about. It has nothing to do with religion, terrorism, nor ecomomics. It has everything to do with God's greatest gift to mankind.
And that would be beer. The biggest beer company in the world wants to buy the second biggest beer company in the world. Neither of these corporations are American, both are European. But one owns Budweiser, one owns Miller.
If those two beers are owned by the same corporation, nothing will ever be right again. Not in the world. Not in America. Nothing.
Of course, when I mentioned that's where deregulation gets you, Meat got irate and ran home.