Some of you have asked where Meat and Tater have been lately. The holidays were hectic, I've barely seen them in a couple of months.
So i carried a pot coffee next door this morning and rang the doorbell. A disembodied voice greeted me. "Whatever you're selling, we don't want it. Leave the coffee pot and go home."
I punched the doorbell a half dozen times. "If I walk off this porch, the coffee goes with me."
Tater opened the door. "We got one of those doorbell video things for Christmas. Don't pay attention to Meathead, come on in."
"So what have you got against the second amendment?" Meat's glare cracked into a grin.
"That's old news buddy and I've got nothing against it as long as you're my next door neighbor. Your arsenal could turn back the Huns. Where y'all been?"
Tater responded. "We've been in Vermont visiting my family and skiing." Meat cleared his throat. "Make that Meat's been visiting my folks and I've been skiing. He's more of a sit by the fireside and drink guy."
Meat smiled proudly. "I've got better things to do than shush down a cliff. The real question is what do you think of the big news?"
If you think he was asking about impeachment, you think wrong.
Tater pushed it. "Where do you think Harry and Meghan are going to end up?"
I'm sure I made a face at that. "Well Tater, I don't know. Doesn't matter much."
Meat piped in. "Boy SJ, I thought you were paying attention. You know, once again, an American girl took one for the team and fractured the royal family. That's huge!"
I remember the old Meat's drunken rants about getting rid of the British King so America could finally be free once and for all. I never could get my head around it.
Tater added, "Prince Harry's way down the line, but marrying a girl from L.A. sure has messed the palace up. This could be the straw... it almost worked once before."
It might be hard to follow the reasoning, but it goes like this. Our independence from England could never be complete until the royal line was broken. So the US has secretly been trying to take down monarchy ever since.
It almost worked in the 1930s when newly crowned King Edward VIII fell in love with an American woman, Wallis Simpson. Edward was so taken with Wallis he actually abidicated the throne because an American divorcee could not be made queen.
If he hadn't given up the crown, his successor might not have been the current queen's father. You'd think Elizabeth would have warmed up to Meghan simply because she'd just be a Duchess with an expense account it not for Wallis Simpson, the American undercover heartbreaker.
But she didn't and they didn't and now another royal is trying to get out of the family business. Looks like Harry got Diana's independent streak.
It'd be like Eric Trump becaming a tree hugging PETA contributing LGBQT activist.
Sorry, that was way too far-fetched.