Trumpty Dumpty sat on a wall. The end.
What's that? I've got another 495 words to go? Do I really have to spoil a perfect summation of our country today with more verbage?
Well, I guess if you say so. Here goes.
Emergency personel across the country reported a sharp increase in alcohol related deaths on Wednesday morning. The deaths appear to be a result of a drinking game in which participants take a shot each time the Donald lied in his nationally televised speech.
According to Ruth Mitchell, spokesperson for Reno 911, things could have been much worse.
"Many Americans are just too naive today to understand the consequences of this game. Historically, presidents have bent the truth about once every hundredth paragraph. Trump does it once every seven words. No one with a functioning liver could survive. It's like playing Russian Roulette with 6 loaded chambers. "
"But we feel we dodged a bullet. First, the speech was under 10 minutes. If he'd gone 15, casualties could have tripled. Second, the ratings were worse than the last year of Happy Days. I don't think a shark would have helped."
In Kentucky, alcohol related mishaps were almost non-existent thanks to a cleverly scheduled UK basketball game. While Kentucky is heavy in Trumpets, few outside Louisville would miss the Cats for the Cheetoh.
For those of you who completely missed it, Trump made the assertion the situation on our southern border was a crisis of the soul. While that line spurred innumerable shots across the country, it's likely they were misinterpreted.
The soul of our country is in crisis because the occupant of the Oval Office has no soul. Neither do the religious and political charlatans that claim some sort of divine mandate for Trump.
The facts, which are meaningless to around 30% of our voting population, show that illegal immigration has consistently fallen since 2005. The facts also show that more people come in legally and stay until they aren't than come in illegally. The facts show far more people on terrorist watch lists are apprahended in airports than along our borders. Finally, the facts show far more illegal drugs enter our country by car, boat and airplane than by mules crossing the border.
The soul of our country is in crises because some have decided to ignore the symbolism of the Statue of Liberty and adapt a wall as a national symbol. A wall that is meant to keep brown people out of our country.
If it were really about national security, wouldn't we be talking about a wall on our southern AND northern borders? Seems like nobody's scared of those fair haired Canadians, though.
The greatness of America has always been in our diversity, a fact Trump and his ilk prefer you forget. Diversity in religious beliefs, diversity in national origin and racial makeup, diversity in our political makeup.
If our country has a crisis of the soul, it's in those who believed we needed to Make America Great Again by returning to the 19th century and adapting prehistoric technology and beliefs to erase Obama's legacy. And that's what this is really all about.
Trumpty Dumpty sat on a wall. The end.